The Lab
by fermataoso
Summary: Science at Shiz - oneshot.


Elphaba seared the munchkin in a glare packed with all the intensity of a volcano seconds from eruption, and he cowered back. "You have got to be joking."

"I width." Boq sneezed noisily into a large handkerchief, almost a scarf on the diminutive boy. "I can'd help id if I'm sick."

"So what am I supposed to do?" she accused. "The lab's too complicated. If I fail because you so stupidly infected yourself-"

"Slow down." He swiped a hand over his tired eyes. His skin had taken on such a sickly green hue, he could have passed as her cousin. In reality, he wouldn't be much help to her anyway in such a state, but she couldn't do it alone. "I found you a subsdidude."

"A what?"

"A subsdidude," he repeated with a sullen frown, "you know whad I said."

"Who?" The sudden tickle in his throat did little to hide the shiftiness of his eyes. She narrowed hers. "Boq, who did you get to fill in? If it's Galinda-"

"If what's Galinda?"

Elphaba spun to see the tall prince propped casually against the doorframe, and she shot Boq an angry glare. "You better not mean him."

"Ouch," Fiyero flashed a wide smile. "If I didn't know you better, I'd think you didn't want me as a lab partner."

"You don't, and I don't, and this is never going to happen." She whirled on Boq. "You're just going to have to suck it up and make it through the lab."

Boq stifled another string of sneezes to cough out, "I can'd Elbie. I can'd even go dwo minudes widoud sneezing." He wearily wiped his nose with a disgusted expression. "Fiyero's a good pardner. He's wored wid me plendy of dimes."

Elphaba started to argue, but as the previous class dismissed, the swarm of students pushed their way raucously between the three blocking the exit. Boq seized the opportunity for his escape.

"Boq! Get back here!"

The munchkin held up his hand in surrender and let himself be carried away in the tide. With a parting curse, Elphaba forced herself to face the smug prince behind her.

"Hey there, partner." Fiyero winked. "Ready to get cooking?"

She shot him a look, and without comment stalked into the science room. Master Rekabe nodded at her and held up three fingers to indicate their table assignment. She started toward him to complain, but he shook his head. "Master Boq has already informed me of his unfortunate illness. How considerate of him to find you a stand-in partner!"

"But Fiyero's-"

"Better than nothing, I should hope." Elphaba frowned darkly, muttering her doubts. "And given the proper guidance, he should-"

"But he can't follow instructions to save his life!" As soon as she'd said it, she'd realized her mistake. Master Rekabe's face paled at the interruption, and he crossed his arms.

"Oh? Master Tiggular, can you kindly read rule number 4?"

Fiyero eyed the large poster of classroom rules and dutifully read, "Students should be respectful and observant at all times." The professor sent a snide look Elphaba's way.

"And number 1?"

"Safety first."

"And number 7?"

"No excuses. And 'no' is underlined."

The professor spun away with a cool tone as he said, "He seems sufficiently capable of following instructions to me."

Fiyero shifted his bag, uncomfortable at the lurch of hostility in Elphaba's gaze. "Fine," she snapped. "If I'm stuck with you, at least_ try_ and manage not to get in the way."

He jumped out of the way of her charge, hands high in surrender, and watched as she arranged their materials. Still fuming, she had to resist the urge to slam the glassware down, and only the volatile nature of their chemicals kept her from releasing her frustrations on them.

Fiyero wisely retreated to the opposite side to read over the lab. She plopped down a notebook and pencil, already pre-labeled with the table to record their observations. "Here. And I swear if you write illegibly I'll tell Galinda you confided a deep adoration for shopping."

"That's low." She lifted a smug eyebrow and shrugged. "Besides, you don't have to threaten me. I want to help."

"Then find me a real lab partner."

"At least give me a chance." Fiyero said, reaching a long arm back to untangle their aprons. He held hers toward her with a tempting smile.

She snatched it from him and slung it on, knotting the ties with such enthusiasm that it cut into her waist. Fiyero slipped behind her and pushed her hair out of the way, and though she struggled to push him off, he kept her immobile until he'd adjusted the top. She shoved him back. "Get off me."

Fiyero flashed a grin, "Care to do me?"

He held up his apron strings, twirling them obnoxiously. But she refused to be goaded into his game. She turned back to their glassware, determined to avoid him, until she simply couldn't help herself. The top slide fell ridiculous high on his tall, lanky frame, earning a mean-spirited smirk from her. Fiyero looked down and chuckled.

Master Rekabe shot them a look from across the room, and Elphaba sighed.

"Fix the top. You look ridiculous."

"Yes, ma'am." He adjusted his apron as she snapped on some gloves. She busied herself in arranging the complicated system of beakers and cylinders for the reaction. The stand for her graduated cylinder kept sliding, and the burette kept swinging open before she could place them.

Fiyero watched her struggle for a moment. Then he set a rubbed stopper against the stand to prop it against the lip of the table. "Need some help with that burette?"

"No," she snapped. He nudged her out of the way.

"Just takes the right touch," he teased, but the stopcock swung open again.

"Looks like that's not yours."

His shot her a sideways glance and cranked the stopcock again to close. As soon as he released it, the stopcock swung open. He frowned. Cracking his knuckles, he grabbed the stopcock and jammed it shut. He pulled his hand off, proud, as the stopcock held in place. "Told you."

The stopcock swung back open.

Fiyero groaned, and with a stubborn grimace, he reached for the knob again. Elphaba caught his hand. "It's a lost cause. Just get another."

They were the last the finish their set-up, and with the new working burette, Elphaba hurried to begin mixing the first two chemicals. Fiyero folded himself on his stool and set about recording the data. She dumped each completed reaction into a large waste beaker and called a new pair for him to retrieve from their test tubes.

"I like that one," he commented as one pairing swirled into a soft green color. "Reminds me of someone."

"Shut up, Tiggular. No one asked you."

"What, I can't like a color?"

"Not green."

"Why?" he challenged, leaning close. "I happen to find green a remarkably vibrant color. Very unique."

"Unique is another way of saying weird."

"Weird is another way of saying special."

She rolled her eyes and called out the measurements to record. "Pass me the Bromium next."

He swung back with the new tubes right as she upended the old mixture, sending their chemical bath spilling over them both.

"You idiot!" Elphaba leapt back, swatting uselessly at the acid fizzling on her apron. "Damn it, that burns!"

Master Rekabe marched toward them as he called out instructions. "Everyone, evacuate the classroom while I settle the spill. Be sure to cork the tops of your own cylinders. Quickly now. You two, under the shower."

She shoved him toward the overhead faucet on the opposite side of the hall. A dainty brunette shrunk past them to join the class, a look of horror at Elphaba's grotesquely bubbling apron.

Elphaba fumbled at her ties with some serious regret that she'd tied the knots so tightly. "Disrobe," Master Rekabe barked. "At once, both of you. This is no time for modesty."

She flushed at the thought, but the stinging pain in her arm kept her focused enough to free the apron. She tugged frantically on the row of tiny buttons on her blouse. Her fingers couldn't seem to fit the damn things back through their tiny holes. Oz, would she never be free? She let out a hiss of frustration as the second button unhooked. "Why do there have to be so many buttons?" She glanced at Fiyero, a frantic look in her eyes. "How are you already naked?"

"Practice," he quipped. He grabbed her shoulders and ripped the blouse open, buttons flying freely. She glared at him, but he yanked her toward the spout. "I'll buy you a new one. I can't buy you new skin."

The water beat down on them, freezing cold and pounding in their ears. A welcome distraction to the other body drenched mere inches away.

Elphaba's thin frame shook from the cold. Her hair yanked loose from its braid to plaster over her eyes. She pushed it away, but the deluge knocked it back. She surrendered, closing her eyes.

She lost herself in the rhythm of the water. Oz, this was embarrassing. And of all people to witness, it had to be – a hand jolted her from her thoughts. She jumped, off-balance in the spray, but Fiyero caught her elbow before the water knocked her down. He pointed to the teacher and then mimed to turn around.

She spun to face away before the blush made its way past her neck. Why Fiyero? Boq she could have intimidated into silence, but then she doubted her real lab partner would have caused a spill anyway. No, this was all Fiyero's fault. Why did he have to be so distracting?

And he would comment on this, no question about it. Joke and tease about seeing her naked. And she'd seen him naked, too. What would Galinda say? Had Galinda seen him before they'd broken up? Oz, why was she thinking about that? She didn't want to know. She didn't want to think about it at all. She certainly didn't want to picture him again, the water rolling down his face and chest.

The roaring water had gone from lulling to painful, and her head pounded from the constant downpour. The pain distracted her from the burn in her arm, but at this rate, her whole body would be one giant bruise. She could hear Fiyero's teeth chattering now, though after a moment, she realized hers were as well.

Suddenly it stopped, the silence deafening after that steady roar. Fiyero handed her a large safety blanket without comment, and she flung it around herself, though she had no modesty left to preserve. It was scratchy and thin, but she'd never been so grateful.

Master Rekabe pointed to the door where the nurse waited, frowning in disapproval. Fiyero led the way, his own blanket draped lazily around his shoulders. She clutched hers tight against her and followed. "Careless idiots," the nurse muttered under her breath, but said to them only, "Hurry now."

One step outside the door, and the entire class whistled and catcalled. Several called out crude comments, and Elphaba's face twisted in a scowl. Fiyero bumped into her shoulder and offered a good-natured grin. "Don't let it get to you. They're just teasing."

"You mean taunting," she snapped. "Pardon me if I don't find all this hilarious."

"You don't?" He nodded toward their blankets. "How can you not?"

"I find it mortifying, and absolute proof that I was right. You are a terrible lab partner."

"Me? You're the one who knocked it over."

She leaned back as if slapped. "I most certainly did not."

He shot her look, then trained his gaze forward. "Did."

"You idiot, _I_ didn't knock it over. _You_ knocked it over. We both know that. _I _didn't do anything."

"Did."

"Ugh! It's like arguing with a child!"

"Or you could always admit it." She fumed at his impudence, but before she could bite back, he reached over to pat her shoulder, his blanket slipping to his ribcage. "It's alright. We can blame me if it makes you feel better."

"It doesn't make me feel anything. It's the truth." She scowled, but her eyes had trouble connecting with his face at his lack of modesty.

"Alright."

She started to continue, but they'd reached the front office. She snapped her mouth shut before she could draw more attention to them. As it was, adults and students alike gawked at the pair as they crossed the foyer and into the nurse's office.

"What are you doing here?" The nurse snapped as a spindly student with skin pale as ice staggered to his feet.

"Master Stigory sent me because I feel…um…a little…" He swayed on his feet. A quick move from the nurse kept him from falling as the boy's head rolled back, his muscles limp.

"I see. Low blood sugar. Alright. You two stay here while I sort him out. And don't even think of doing anything. If I come back and you're not sitting right here on this bench, you're going to find out the true meaning of the word punishment." Fiyero swallowed a grin, and the nurse lifted a narrow eyebrow. "Both of you. I wouldn't suggest you try me."

"Of course. Not to worry. We'll wait right here." Fiyero flashed his most polished smile. The nurse muttered more insults as she hauled the limp student out to the foyer.

Elphaba sank to the narrow bench, huddling inside her thin, now wet blanket. She shivered, still frozen to the core. "I'm going to have to do that experiment over again from scratch."

"But at least think of all the class you're missing."

She slammed her forehead into her palms. "Ugh, don't remind me."

He sat beside her and chuckled. "You're the only person I know who'd be upset to miss class."

"Some of us aren't just playing through life. Some of us actually want to make something of ourselves."

"It's dancing. Playing is far less poetic." She didn't smile. He leaned his shoulder against her. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I'll help you catch up, and we can redo the lab whenever you want."

"I don't want to redo the lab with you. You'll probably set the place on fire next time!"

"Boq's still going to be sick, and I wasn't the one distracted into knocking over the chemical bath." He held up a hand to stop her arguments. "Regardless, I'll be more careful, alright? We can even switch so you're safely across the room doing the data."

"And trust you to mix them correctly?"

He sighed. "So you'll never trust me to do anything now?"

"Pretty much." He studied the ground, trying to hide a wounded expression. She felt a twinge of remorse, but she couldn't bring herself to admit it. Instead she wrapped her blanket tighter around herself. "I don't think I'll ever be warm again."

"Sorry," he murmured, and he scooted closer, rubbing her arms to warm her up. Her conscience stung again. She looked over at him, too close for comfort, and lost her train of thought at the flecks of blue shimmering between the folds of his blanket.

He recognized her sudden attention and blushed, pulling his blanket shut. "What are they?" she murmured, and he ducked his eyes.

"Tribal tattoos. And before you say anything, I know they're a little-"

"Beautiful," she murmured, and he stopped short.

"You don't think they're backward?"

"Why would they be?" And it was as if a weight lifted from him. His entire expression brightened back to the carefree boy she knew before. "Does everyone have them?"

"Not, um, everyone."

She frowned, and then pressed her lips together as realization hit. "Oh." She never thought of him as a prince, but he was. "Are they…what do they…" She bit her lip unsure how to phrase it. "Can I see them?"

His eyebrows lifted. "You want to?"

"No, I mean, not if you don't want me to."

"It's okay." He shrugged the blanket back, and she felt her cheeks warm at the sight of his bare chest. And trailing across his unarguably developed muscles were iridescent blue diamonds. She caught herself leaning forward and snapped back.

"They're beautiful."

He took her hand and brought it to the diamond wrapping around his bicep. "Curious?"

She nodded, surprised that the skin felt as smooth as the rest, even at the border of ink and skin. He leaned closer, his fingertips edging along her jaw.

"Me too." He dipped his head to brush his lips lightly against hers. Stunned, she couldn't help but notice the softness of his lips or the tingle of electricity that buzzed through her at his gentle touch.

The door swung open, and Elphaba pushed him away as the nurse stalked back in.

"Elphie?" She heard Galinda before she saw her, "I heard what happened and thought you might like some dry-" The blonde stopped short, eyes wide.

"Got any clothes for me?" Fiyero teased, and Galinda shook her head, the shocked stupor still painted across her face. He shot a smile at Elphaba. "Is this why women don't like to be objectified?" She rolled her eyes as he shrugged. "It's not so bad."

"Go on, now, Miss Uplands," the nurse groused. "Can't spend all day with your jaw hanging open. I've patients to treat. You first, Miss Thropp."

Elphaba took the clothes from her roommate with muttered thanks and followed the nurse into the curtained exam room. The curt woman dressed her burns with limited remonstrations and declared her passable. Elphaba slipped out feeling a bit less off-balance now that she had clothing again.

Fiyero grabbed her hand as she started to leave. "Wait for me."

She didn't meet his eyes. "I have class."

"Please?" He'd unleashed the patented puppy dog eyes, guaranteed successful in four of the five provinces of Oz, and she sighed. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Just don't go yet."

"Tiggular!"

"Coming!" He turned back to Elphaba, "Five minutes. You can give me that. Please?"

She pursed her lips. "Fine. But not a second more."

"Yes ma'am." He squeezed her hand, and with a quick look to confirm they were alone, dropped a kiss on her cheek. She peeked up at him, and he met her for another soft, lingering kiss. "Best stand-in lab ever. Perhaps I could learn to appreciate school after all."

"Tiggular!"

"Coming, coming." He grinned at her. "Five minutes. You promised."

"Yeah, yeah." She shoved his shoulder. "Go. Before she comes after you."

He kissed her hand and slipped off to be bandaged himself, and she fought the grin that threatened to take over her face. Perhaps this was the best stand-in lab ever.

It was certainly the most naked.


End file.
